My son is regularly mortified when I put my arms around his friends, all misty eyed, telling them to hang in there - keep searching for yourself! Tapping their heart... You are in there!
I haven't always accepted being an old-foggy, though. When I was in pushing forty (I'm not pushing forty! I'm only 37!), I couldn't accept that I was an old-foggy, even though every teenager/early twenties person on the planet knew the truth (I am NOT an old-foggy! The only cool music was written when I was a teen - I am forever blessed by being cool!).
In embracing my old-fogginess, though, I can let go of the competition with the next generation. I'm not jealous of them anymore. I don't have to look in the mirror and try to pretend I look as lovely and youthful as they do. I don't have to be chagrined at their rebellion of my ideas. They need to pull away from what my generation has established as the norms of morals, values, and priorities to find their own. Just as my generation rebelled in the goofy, loud, and colorful way it did, the kids now need to rebel in their own way, too.
What I've noticed is that teenagers are far more thoughtful and articulate than we ever were. They speak their minds - even when their very adult ideas challenging parental values are book marked with comments that reveal their need for approval from their parents. I wish for all parents of teens to delight in that rebellion!
Parents, please handle these delicate years with kindness and love. Yes, be firm when it involves important issues of safety, but please be patient with your teens when they challenge your ideas and beliefs. They need to shuffle the deck, knock down the tower of blocks, so they can rebuild and make those concepts their own. They won't go to hell, the hand-basket is not near, it will be ok! You'll be surprised at how similar the rebuilt tower will look to your own!
When I was in my mid to late 30's, I remember looking back at my teen years and early 20's, just as this writer did. I looked back remembering those days with a bit of bravado, just as she does - thinking of how I "won" debates on philosophy and politics with my teachers. Yet, looking forward at youngsters and seeing whippersnappers who would bring ruination on society, even though they are doing the same thing I was at that age.
When I read this blog, I had fondly remembered as well, the joy of learning that the world would not end if I had my own ideas. In my house, confrontation was taboo, talking about religion or politics was considered impolite at best. When I went to college, it was like a whole new world, and I reveled in it! I wrote silly papers very similar to Life = Light Bulb, too - they seemed so fresh and profound at the time.
Now that I'm teaching, I love those papers the most - the ones where the student is breaking free of parental concepts and making analogies for themselves that show them their ideas are valid and exciting. That their true self is a safe, wonderful thing. I give them all the encouragement I can. I love this blog entry in response to the above entry - this teenage girl has a fresh, energetic, articulate, and thoughtful approach to her posts.
However, when I read this "rebuttal" of her post, I shook my head with be-mused recognition. If you read this first, you would click the link expecting to find one of those blogs all black with grunge lettering, lots of icons of pop stars, the word "suck" many times, and a kid behind it all with pink spiky hair and black fingernails!
The writer believes that this child is the reason that massacres like Columbine happen. Oh my! Having your beliefs challenged will lead to the down-fall of civilization?? That's when you know for sure that you are old! On the one hand, she is delighting in challenging the beliefs of her parents in college, coming up with her own construct; on the other, promising death and destruction if a teenager today does.
Like my son says, "Mom, the Rolling Stones are old, they're ugly, and they are NOT cool!"
