There is a guy that I've chatted with for quite some time in #Spirituality-ReflectingPool and we've had some very good discussions, some lively debates, and some knock-down drag out fights. He tends to be very cynical and self-righteous - and I tend to be rather flip and quite stubborn (I prefer to call it persistence, though ;). While, I may chide and kid, I do draw the line at name calling and I don't think that I'm cruel. This guy tends to hit below the belt - especially when he's been drinking.

It's gotten to the place, though after his being particularly cruel the other night, that I told him that I'm calling it quits. No more discussions, no more talking. We've gone through many rounds of him calling me names, and then apologizing - always in private, though, not in the group. I've always told him that each day starts fresh, and that I love people just the way they are.

He's quite miffed now that I've told him that we're not going to be talking anymore - saying that it's not the "Buddhist" way to behave. I explained that there is a very big difference between inner peace and being a door mat. I'm realizing that he's behaving in a way that reflects his "addictive personality". He is verbally abusive (not just to me on the chat channel) - is terribly sorry afterward - but then his behavior doesn't change.

When the person whos role it is to always forgive begins to define boundaries, the manipulation starts. It's quite the vicious cycle! Not one that I want to be part of - even if it is just an online discussion group.

I do believe that, while the ideal is to love unconditionally - and I believe very much in that concept - there is no moral imperative to be in relationship with every human being on the planet. There are many many reasons for creating relationships and many many healthy reasons to establish boundaries. It is very possible to love someone very much, but to understand that a relationship with them is not possible.

Life is so short - and we make so many choices every day on how to spend those precious moments. I may decide to play with one of my pets instead of doing the dishes - to go to the movies with my son then take a peanut butter sandwich to work to accomadate the budget. So when confronted with an abusive person, even though he may need help and patience, I'm not necessarily the one to provide that.

Legend has it that the Buddha taught for three months, and spent the remainder of the year in meditation and quiet commuinity with a small group of monks. In this day and age, he'd be considered a slacker! Yet, by honoring his personal needs for contemplation and quiet, he was able to provide the world with a remarkable body of work that has stood the test of 2,500 years.

I've often considered how teachers like Jesus or the Buddha said "no" to the demands that must have been made upon them. The picture that comes to my mind is a quiet, peaceful, and honest communication of the importance of boundaries. If these two profoundly awakened men needed quiet time to recharge their batteries, I'm not being self-sacrificing not to take that time for myself, I'm being foolish.