I was stunned when one of the nurses on staff said that the other day. It's a Buddhist gatha in its essence. When someone is suffering, the thing they need most is for someone to listen to them with presence. We often mistake hearing the noise and complaining that people do, for listening to their problems. I'm beginning to doubt that hearing someone rant is very helpful. I know that telling them to "grow up," "just get over it," "drop dead," or whatever, isn't helpful either.
Until we're willing to set aside our own ego and give the person a chance to trust that we'll really listen, that person will never get to their true feelings - the litany of complaints and bitching will continue to serve as a distraction to their true issues. The pain that they feel will only be fed by these rants.
I can remember when I was in my 20's, everything my family did was an afront to me. They had refused to listen to me for so long, that I felt I had to force my will on them to become myself. Any hint of judgement or criticism made me defensive. I knew that being my own true self wasn't ok - I had learned that very well over the years. They tried hard to domesticate me, but my independent nature would have none of it. I would demand things from them, thinking that somehow they owed me - and mistakenly thinking that if they gave me something I wanted, it would make me feel better. I was angry because I didn't feel loved or listened to. Even giving me the moon wouldn't have helped. Yet, being independent allowed me to break free, to become the person I was meant to be, and find my own way.
That nature has a double edged sword, of course, and I still over-shoot the runway from time to time. I over-achieve, am too sensitive to criticism, and never feel quite good enough. All in all though, I prefer having been independent and carving my own way, despite all the mistakes I made along the way doing so.
Not being listened to is a very lonely feeling.
