~ The Buddha (The Dhammapada,Verse 5)
I'm feeling very tender right now, not unlike being a fresh post-op patient - as though I've been through surgery and my body knows that it must be quiet and gentle. My emotions want to run all over me, and I find myself tearful and vulnerable.
The thought of my 18 year old son going to war is terrifying to me, and I've been reacting to that feeling the past couple of days. This afternoon, I sat with those feelings and found myself in the heart of pain for all mothers who have feared for or grieved for their children. Images from around the world and in all time periods flooded my mind. I felt such sorrow for the pain we all feel. I felt such regret that I have not worked harder for peace, that I have let all of those people and my son down.
Crying over the pain, crying over the regret, breathing in anger with those who will not listen to reason, breathing in fear - and breathing out those feelings - not trying to understand or explain away my feelings, not trying to feel better, but holding the feelings as they are transformed into peace is my practice right now. I picture sitting next to the Buddha, holding his hand, feeling him stable and present. The power of presence is what I long for and find so healing.
Knowing that compassion is possible - true love for all beings - being patient with myself in finding that compassion within myself. Holding my feelings like a newborn baby, comforting them. Gently sending my feelings the light of peace and healing.
