I read this entry by Craig - I gotta get out more - and was really struck by his description of the work of his friend, Laura Wait. I love book binding and paper arts and used to do my own bound books of quotes and artwork. My senior project in college for my honor english/humanities program was a bound book that had a series of quotes on the phases of a person's life. I used my own calligraphy and art, as well as photos, greeting cards and other found art.

There is real joyfull appreciation in looking at the art of Laura Wait, but also a real pang of longing. I've spent the past couple of weeks stressed out at the changes and pressures being applied to my job and getting ready to spend a week being "trained" in what I consider the wrong direction. Today, when one of our PCA's mentioned that there was talk of moving me out of my office, I told her that if that happened, that would be the start of my two week notice. I'm already doing the work for my department of one when I should have a staff of at least four!

Now the plan is to add even more to my duties, and change my role into a auditor. That is not the direction I want my career to go. If they take the creativity out of my role, I won't be able to survive here.

I'll have to give all this a lot of thought - to realize that if I would quit over moving my office makes me really have to consider how happy am I here? Plus, recognizing that it's the creativity that keeps the spark alive for me.

I've tried to make this website my electronic version of a personalized bound book, but my first love really is working with the paper, ink, and glue. I guess I really need to figure out what is keeping me from doing that work - why have I filled my life with everything but the art that makes me so fullfilled.

Maybe it's a bit about knowing that I can only really work on art projects in a small way, and that in and of itself is painful. It takes time to practice and hone skills, without that time I'm just a dabbler. Yet, quitting it all to become an artist isn't realistic.

Barbara Sher has a book out "It's Only Too Late If You Don't Start Now" - I really need to re-read it and start acting on her advice! Rearranging my house would be a big step in the right direction - even if I wanted to pick up a pencil, there's no space that's only for me! (Not to mention a space secluded from the curiousity of the cats! Cats and calligraphy don't mix!)

Mindfulness - Right Livelihood - can I add Right Organization to the Eightfold Path?? Keep breathing - I can figure this out. :)